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[Monday
October 5th, 2009 at 9:39pm] |
Oh, God.
You know, I try so hard to put myself in a spot where I am separated from my problems. Since I'm a total geek, I'm going to equate it with Link's Hover boots (that's right, I JUST said that.). I hover. I see my issues, my issues are clearly still there staring at me, but I choose to try to address them at a time that is later because I don't like emotional lapses and I do not like drama. Unfortunately, that's all been getting the better of me lately.
So I hadn't seen Jivko pretty much since we broke up. Not for long, anyways. We talked for twenty minutes when we were waiting for different 52 busses after class one time, and we walked while I ate breakfast before going to my midterm on Saturday, but yeah, before Saturday I didn't have much contact with him at all. He'd stay late somewhere or just be at his parents' house overnight. All in all, I was physically a lot more distant with him for a lot longer than I pretty much ever was, even when we weren't dating beforehand. It was novel, and admittedly I did notice it, although it didn't make me feel as lonely as it could have just because I was so distracted and refused to really acknowledge those kinds of feelings.
Anyways, on Saturday morning I get back from my midterm and Jay's sleeping on the couch which has been folded out into a bed. Kevin's sitting on the end playing Guitar Hero, so I just kind of dive into the bed too, under the covers and start talking to them and stuff. Eventually I get tired as the rush from being done my exam is gone, and I lie my head on one of Jivko's pillows. We're beside each other, keep in mind, and so Jay also rolls over and begins to go back to sleep. But he does it in a way where he's really very close to me. As in, our heads are nearly touching. I thought that was rather inconsistent with a total clean breakup, so I had a feeling that maybe he missed me-- or at least, missed touching me.
He asked me if I wanted to watch Surf's Up with him later after Kevin was done playing, and I said okay. I remember at one point I was sitting on the bed, and he just sat up, gave me this random one-armed hug, and then lay back down. I thought it was weird but I didn't really say anything about it.
Anyways, later on that night we all went to the LCBO and some other friends came for Jordan's birthday. So we got some drinks, and came back to the house. I remember drinking with Jay in particular, just us two and talking in the kitchen. I felt the alcohol so bad, my face was BURNING and when I looked in the mirror it was actually the color of my shirt, which was rather frightening. Anyways, for some reason Jay reached out his arms for a hug, so I hesitantly conceded and then asked what that was about. I don't even remember what he said, but a bit later he was keeled over looking for something in the fridge when I wrapped my arms around his neck from behind for a piggyback ride. When he lifted me up he was like, "Wow, you're so light! How much do you weight?" So I told him 140, and he was like, "Yeah, there's no way you're 140. You're like 100 pounds." So after a small debate, he was like, "Okay then, let's weigh you."
So we go downstairs to the basement, and he takes the scale from the bathroom and brings it to Kevin's room, where he's staying. I step on the scale and everything, but we don't know the conversion rate so that was rather uninformative. Afterward we just sort of collapsed onto his bed, and resumed our usual couple-y sitting position. You know, arm around me, legs on him, head on shoulder. Same old. We held hands, cuddled, kissed, did our usual blah blah blah, you know? And we talked about it, of course. What this meant, what our breakup meant, what we were going to do about the future-- you know, that stuff.
He was telling me how he didn't actually want to break up with me that day, and I guess repeating why he thought we weren't compatible so we'd get our thoughts out and everything. I told him that everything was okay after telling him my side of the story, but I definitely cracked. Like, I was tearing up for a bit, but then all of a sudden I just started SOBBING. So yeah, that was kind of weird.
But he's a sweet guy, and he's there for me and all. Later I go upstairs with Cory, and we're sitting on his bed, and he asks me if we're back together. I told him no. I like him, that is still true, but will I get back in a relationship with him? Probbbably not. I really want to, seriously, but at the same time I went too far for me to want to fall back now. I hate those couples who just break up and get back together fifty thousand times, and I don't want to fall into that either. I pride myself on my discipline, I think, and so this is sort of like a test of that. Am I going to be able to just get out of this, or will I fall back into my old habits? When it comes down to it, if something happens I'm not going to lie, I choose my happiness over my pride. But unless that something (whatever it is) happens, then as it stands now I'm going to just try to get over it. Cory was then telling me the extent to which people didn't really think we fit. Like, "everyone" thought we were wrong for each other, and Cory told Jay that he'd give us a week just because we were so different. We actually lasted I think a little over a month, but still. You know.
On Sunday, I was planning on things just going back to normal, but that didn't really happen. We spent hours on that green couch just talking, sitting in our coupley position, doing the usual couple-y things and all. We were both kind of confused that day on what was going to happen now, and I kept saying, "I really don't know what to do anymore." We came up with all these ideas, I guess, but in the end the safest thing to do in my opinion was to just make it a clean break. Unless I happen to be intoxicated, no more random make-out sessions, no more handholding or whatever until I'm over it. Or else I don't know if I'll ever get over it.
So that was pretty much the last day of our break of breakup, I guess. Today I only saw him in the morning, which was to see him off for school, and he's staying at his parents' place. And it's a lot harder than it was before, as expected. I actually feel lonely now, and I don't want to feel lonely because feeling lonely makes me sad and I don't want to be sad. Fuck. I should have just gone to the kegger on Saturday with Darwin, and skipped this crack in the ground that I saw and stepped right into.
I told Jay on Sunday that I loved him. What is wrong with me? But honestly, I don't feel strongly about people. Pretty much ever. And he gets so much strong emotion out of me, it's ridiculous. The first person I felt that with was with Srdjan, but that definitely was not love because that lasted a total of what, two days? Although ironically, I felt these feelings both when Srdjan and I ended, and when Jivko and I ended. Fuuuuuck my life.
I remember going upstairs, and Shirley was just like, "are you two back together?" To which I replied "No." Later on, I went upstairs at night time and went and sat on Cory's bed, and he was just like, "So what, are you two back together now?" to which I replied, "No." He then said, "Good, because I don't want you to be another one of those stupid people who just break up and get back together fifty times." I laughed, it's true.
But we started talking about it more, all the things that annoy him about me and all the things about him that I am annoyed by. What bugged me about the conversation at first was, he said he was going to ask me a series of questions to really prove that I really loved him. Honestly, after he said that, if "love" was what I was feeling, it was chopped in half. I thought it was wrong, and that it was not his place to question my feelings. Plus his questions weren't really relevant to the situation-- he was asking me about him using my computer. Seriously? Your question of me proving how I feel is asking about privileges/benefits you get from being with me? When I said that he said no, it has to do with compromise and sacrifice and whatever. Still though, it was pretty ridiculous.
We talked for a looong time, he ended up sleeping in my room again simply because it was late and we were tired. But at the end of it I was just thinking wow, you know what, I can't believe he thinks like that. The way he thinks is like on a completely different wavelength from me. You know how I said with Heitor, he GETS how I think? With Jay, he'll say something, I'll take it EXACTLY HOW A NORMAL PERSON WOULD INTERPRET IT, yet because it's not how he intended it because his communication skills suck, I'm the one who's wrong. He never thinks he's wrong. He never apologizes for anything either, he always just tries to make up the most ridiculous justifications.
Now that I think about it, I don't really feel that lonely anymore.
Cue sigh of relief.
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[Sunday
September 27th, 2009 at 10:36pm] |
Don't be afraid, house. There's no reason to be scared.
... Okay, that's a lie. When it comes to me, there are definitely, definitely times and places where your best bet would be to turn tail and run for dear life. Now why the random post? Well, what spurred it was an MSN window with Kez blinking happily at me after I got my ass handed to me in a rare game of Left 4 Dead.
"What did you do to your roommates?"
Cue surprise. What DID I do to my roommates? Last I checked, we were all on speaking terms and everything seemed peachy keen. So I asked him what he meant, and he said that Kai told him that Cory and Shirley were talking about how they were afraid of me.
So I thought about it. It's most likely that I'm pretty strict and very, very opinionated. When I don't want somebody on my computer, if you touch it you'll be seeing my pissed off face. I can see how that can be pretty intimidating. Not to mention that night with Greg was the first time they'd ever seen me shout at anyone, much less let loose every curse I could think of or make up. Yep, that could be pretty scary. And the part afterwards, where I would go on these long rants about this and that. That's right, house. I've got a personality. If that scares you, je suis desolee.
I'm sorry, but I'm a lot tougher now anyways. And I'm definitely less willing to help people. More or less, if I don't think you deserve help whatsoever, you're on your own. And even if I do think you deserve help, I'm my own priority. It's a selfish way to think, but after last semester I think my selflessness has compensated for this whole year.
Anyways, don't be scared. You should only be scared if you do things that constantly irritate or piss me off. Actually, Shirley, maybe you should be scared. Your dishes are disgusting. Try clearing them off the table now and again instead of leaving to sleep over at Greg's for a day or six and leaving your leftovers to decompose on the kitchen counter.
Hmm, maybe I am a little bit scary. But whatever I do or say, I think it's pretty well-deserved.
I remember I was sitting on Cory's bed telling him how my friend did a semester of work and for some reason has $40,000 sitting in his bank account. He told me that he admired him, not because he had $40 grand but because he worked, and that he "hated lazy people. No offense." None taken, I guess. Although later on when I was reading my textbook and he commented on how early I was getting into schoolwork, I wanted to give him a smile and tell him that I hated lazy people too. No offense.
Note that Cory got kicked out of school for a year. He's only allowed to take two DE courses. But this is just my irritation speaking, he's actually a really cool guy.
Anyways, I have one three hour class once a week: Business and Consumer Law. It's a pretty heavy course, I'm not going to lie, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do in it. Which is why I think it's pretty important for me to attend that one class, even though three hours is one long, long time.
-- but I'll carry on with that story in a time that is later. I'm going to bed.
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[Thursday
September 24th, 2009 at 1:31pm] |
Before I even begin, I am admittedly the world's most territorial person in existence. I live my life along a fine line of: What's here is mine. GTFO. I can be tolerant to a reasonable degree of people touching my things so long as they ask my permission. Otherwise, if I walk in one day and see you on my computer or lounging on my bed or eating my dried mangoes, you will undoubtedly witness my frozen pissed-off face for the rest of the day.
So I have made this quite clear to my housemates on several occasions when they had made the mistake of interpreting my bedroom and computer as public domain. Usually I do not leave my things out in the open, but yesterday I was carrying two textbooks and was on my way out the door when as a last thought I pulled one of them out and set it on the table in the living room to lighten the load.
Now this morning I woke up to go to class, and when I went downstairs I saw Jay and Cory talking in the living room. So okay, whatever. I forgot about my textbook and it had stayed out of my mind. Shirley and Cory were supposed to take the 9:20 bus with Jay and I, but since she was not yet ready the two of them decided to wait until the 9:40 bus.
Jay and I went home after that class, and when we were still at the school it crossed my mind that:
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[Sunday
September 20th, 2009 at 7:35pm] |
Okay, so this is where things begin to get a bit interesting.
As common as this thought is to me despite my quite apparent displays of ignorance in the past, I really don't think of myself as naive. I'm gullible, and I make the mistake(?) of trusting easily, but I simultaneously consider all the repercussions of my actions. My poor judgment has led me astray too recently for me to be anything less than cautious anyways.
So along with this budding relationship with Jay comes a stalker of doubt: am I just a rebound? Very quite possibly, but I've never thought much to entertain that idea considering he could very easily consider himself my rebound, and I don't think of him that way at all because I am genuinely over the Srdjan issue. But as much as I may believe in him, I understand that the possibility is there that he still has some residual feelings from his ex.
Last night, he sent me a text message telling me that Julie was again asking for them to meet up again, and he said he was going to see her. Seeing that a few nights ago I was telling him that I could understand where she was coming from, I was pretty indifferent about it. So I sent him a text message back saying to go, and then I trust him.
He goes, and then today he texted me saying he wondered how I could trust him despite the circumstances. He hasn't had sex for a while thanks to me, and Julie would be the easy way out of his dilemma of carnal desires. And yet, I didn't seem to have any problems with it. But he promised nothing was going to happen, so what more can I say?
Besides, had I acted out, which I wasn't going to do, that would make me quite the hypocrite. Whenever Greg makes a big fuss about Shirley seeing her exes and such, I just roll my eyes saying how it's none of her business and Shirley has the right to her own life, ex-boyfriends notwithstanding. That I wouldn't care if Jay had to go see his ex-girlfriend, for example. So this is just putting the words that had come out of my mouth to the test, and it looks like I passed. Awesome.
But that's not even the part that gets me. I ask him when he's supposed to meet her, and then he says he's with her right now. Then later on he texts me telling me that he's left, and that it got really hard at the end. He gave her a hug goodbye, and apparently it led to osme sexual temptations, but he resisted.
Normally, I would be proud of that if it just ended there. However, he continued onwards saying how if he was single he would've probably fallen for it again and given in-- just like Shirley had. That's what got me thinking.
I don't want to be a distraction. The fact that he was tempted again by her and it was only the IDEA of having a girlfriend already that stopped him showed me that you know what, he's just faithful. He's not necessarily over her. I said before this all started that before he starts a new relationship I think he should wait until he gets over her completely by himself, and she is out of his system. Which meant that I should have waited until an opportunity like this, where I could see if he came out of their meeting without getting back together, until I decided to start something with him. Otherwise, it does make me think it's somewhat just convenient and a distraction for me to be there.
Am I wrong? I don't know. Then he was saying how he wanted to talk to me since he's feeling safd and needs some compassion. I'm not too sure how compassionate I can be, but we'll see how things go.
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| Teen angst: sulky email to my best friend about my parents' douchebaggery. |
[Sunday
April 12th, 2009 at 12:51pm] |
You know what, I'm getting so sick and tired of feeling like all my effort in my parents' eyes is so damn inadequate. I'm so sick and tired of being home. I'm so sick and tired of my parents. Either University's just changed me that much, or my parents have seriously just went up a notch or six on strictness. You'd think by now they'd understand that I care about my studies. I was telling my mom on Thursday night (I came home Thursday around noon) about the whole Stephen Tran thing, so even from that I should think that would give the impression that I stay in and study like I should during exam time instead of going out and doing whatever all day long.
I didn't tell anyone from Oakville that I was coming home this weekend. Because if I did, I know I'd get the whole "let's-get-together-and-do-something," and so telling them would be pointless if I won't allow myself to go out anyway. Anyway, considering I've been more "ngg, nah..." about coming home whenever my mom asks if I'll be going home on the weekends, I thought maybe they'd learn a lesson and be nicer to me when I do come back just to try to get me to want to come back more. Sort of like what happened with Alicia-- whenever she goes back her parents are soo nice just because she hardly comes back and they want her back more. Clearly, it didn't happen.
I've been going through reading week all over again, almost. To a lesser extent, of course, but still. It's incredibly annoying. It's finals. I know I'm supposed to study, but at the same time, it's all review. If I hadn't been doing anything these past three months, then yeah, maybe this would be the perfect time to sit down for twelve hours straight and get through all the content. But you know what? I don't need to. I just need to refresh what's already in my head. And that does not require every sitting down and going over my notes for every waking hour of the day.
So I set up my study area in the dining room, have all my stuff out. Of course, I'd be able to sit there longer if I had some kind of distraction, like a laptop, but I didn't have one present because obviously I don't own one. So after two or three hours of sitting and working, I'm bound to get up and wander around. When I return, I'm very "nrrgg" at even looking at my notes now because I've been doing that way too much, especially these past couple of days.
So today at dinner, my dad's just like, "I've just been seeing herwalking around all day. Has she done any work?" as if I wasn't in the room in the way that my parents do. Sometimes my family (including aunts, uncles, etc.) just talk amongst themselves as if we're not even present. I didn't say anything. Last night, Steph wanted me to watch the Terminator finale with her on TV, and I was going to. Then my dad was like, "Will you come upstairs and study with me?" Because he's working on some project for his consulting thingymajiggy, and I was like, "Okay. Sorry, Steph." and went off to do some more studying upstairs. I was studying earlier that day, and the day before (...and well, the past three months) so after a little bit I went and lay on my stomach on my parents' bed and was reading over my notes like that because I was tired of sitting. After a bit, my dad's just like, "Look at you. How can you call that studying? Go study properly at the desk." And I said nahh. So then he was just like, "Well, if you're not going to study properly, then just go to sleep and wake up early tomorrow to study. You can't focus like this."
I guess he just doesn't know this is how I study sometimes back at residence too. Which again, makes me so happy that I'm living away from home. It would undoubtedly drive me nuts. Anyway, my sister got me hooked on this show called Castle, so I was sitting on my sister's bed and watching an episode while she took a shower. My dad's just like, "You'd better go back to studying." He always says stuff like that. "Ohh, finals are soon. Are you finished studying? Are you ready?" Whenever he sees me do something other than study. Yes, if you handed me the exam, I would be able to do it. But if I have several more days to work on knowing the content more, which I do have, then no, I am not finished studying. Geez. Are you stupid?
They give me these dumb little comments here and there too that annoy me. It accumulates, you know. My mom says stuff like, "Did you do any studying today?" and stuff, and just... ughh. And then tonight, my dad went to his Tai Chi whatever, and after he left I was doing Accounting. At 10:30 I went upstairs and lay down on my mom's bed, where my mom was sitting and watching TV. I was just sort of resting there, doing nothing, and my mom was just like, "You're finished studying?" I didn't answer. "Are you tired?" So I nod my head. And then she's just like, "Finals are coming up soon." No answer. "Did you study a lot?" No answer. "Did you get a little done? Or a lot done?" And again, I didn't answer. Like I told you before, if you don't wnat to get me pissed off, just don't talk about school stuff around me. Jesus.
And then my mom gets frustrated and says, "Why aren't you saying anything? I'm asking you questions, and you're just ignoring me." So I tell her that I don't want to talk about that kind of stuff. It's all they ask about, seriously. Then my mom went on the most retarded tangent. "You know, I know exams are hard, but these are your good times. Look at Jessica. After exams are over, she will have graduated, and she's going to have to start paying off her loans." What on earth does that have to do with me, or my exams? "So you should study hard. You might not want to talk about it, but what else is there to talk about? If you don't like it, you might as well not go to school."
Then I was just like, "Mom, I am studying. I don't want to talk about it because you ask such stupid questions. 'Have you been studying?' Of course I've been studying. What on earth do you think I've been doing for all those hours downstairs? 'Have you worked a little or a lot?' Given how many hours I was down there, what do you think? No, seriously? What do you think?"
And then my mom got all upset and was like, "OKAY. Fine. It's my fault. Just go, then. I'm sorry, okay? I take back what I said. Just go." And then she resumed her DVD all upset and whatever. As if she really has any right to be pissed off in this situation. And I'm certainly not going to apologize or try to budge from what I feel to try to 'make things right' with her, because I seriously believed they've [insert some kind of metaphor here that I can't think up of that involves how stupid and strict they're being when they don't need to be].
I'm tired of having all this discrepancies between what other people tell me and what my parents tell me. I've always listened to what my parents say, and took their opinions over my friends'. About my face, about the way I talk or the way I sit or my weight or my grades, but this is changing awfully fast. I remember you saying that you really like my work ethic, how I can just sit and do for hours and hours. Kez said the same thing-- he wishes he could be more like because I have the discipline to do that-- and on my own. My friends at Guelph think the same too, how I work the hardest out of all of them and blah blah blah.
And then I come home, and it's like what I do is worth nothing.
I don't even want to be home anymore. I want to be in Guelph.
What's worse is that after exams, I'm going to be here for four. fucking. months. I'm sure it'll be better when there's no school, so they won't be pressuring me to study and whatever. But I'm going to want to go out a lot over the summer. I want to see my friends. And this time they'd better not get pissy over how much I go out like they did over winter break. Because you know what? Fuck that shit.
I'm going back to Guelph tomorrow night. One more day of patience.
One more day of their bullshit.
Oh yeah, and what happened tonight with my mom, that's going to have to be fixed sooner or later.
Just shoot me.
I love you, thanks for reading. Happy 80th birthday.
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E-mail #2: The morning after
Soo.
I remember the good old days when I liked being home.
Now at best, it's like a prison.
I always wake up at noon. Always. There's just no stopping it unless I actually have some kind of thing to wake up for. Studying doesn't cut it. It never does.
So I get up, brush my teeth, check Blackboard, and then I go downstairs where my family is already eating lunch. So I sit down and I hardly eat anything, just the stuff from the dish right in front of me.
My dad's just like, "What time do you think it is?" And I look at the clock and say 12:15.
A bit later, my mom leaves since she's still "..." about last night. Only she must've told my dad about it, because he was being equally as "..." about it, only louder.
I'm just picking off the bread off one of those little sausage thingies, and my dad's just like, "remember to go pack up your stuff. You're gong home tonight, after all." To which I replied, "Yeah. Don't worry, it won't take long."
Then my dad was like, "Mm. Yeah. But you're so lazy, you didn't really study this wekeend anyways." And I look up and Steph kinda stares at my dad, and then stares at me. And then I'm all sarcastic and am just like, "Daaamn."
Then my dad continues. "You just spend the whole night with Steph, chattering and giggling."
I sit there for about half a minute or so longer, until Steph clears my plate. Then I'm just like, "I'll be back to wash the dishes." And I go upstairs and type this to you.
I shouldn't have come home this week.
That's four days of my life I'm never getting back.
..... AUGHHH TT_TT
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[Thursday
February 19th, 2009 at 11:12pm] |
It's interesting.
I had a firm belief in how I had a few close, close friends that I truly care about. Yet yesterday, in a mentally vulnerable state, I was just sitting in this chair staring at my MSN contact list-- and couldn't think of who to turn to.
Although in all honesty, I probably felt this way because Heitor was the one who wasn't responding to me, and he was the only one I'd messaged. I guess I'm so used to just turning and running to him with all my problems that I didn't account for the toll time and distance took on our friendship. He's not going to be there for me anymore.
The problem wasn't really that I had no one to talk to about it, I was just at a loss of WHO. And oddly enough, my impulse was not to run to any other Oakville person-- Oakville, the place where I'd thought for so long I had some choice friends I could share the world with.
I thought about telling Kez. He'd listen to me, I knew he would. I could've told Reuben. I know he's a good listener. Or Cory, I am pretty open with him as well. Or Parker. Or Shirley. You know? But I'm being unfair; I did think of some Oakville people too. Just not who I thought I would think of. I mean, Mark's not someone that I had a daily opinion swap with in high school, but I find that I really like him and can tell him things that I probably wouldn't think of mentioning to-- say, Timothy or something. Someone I've known for at least a decade. And then some. I could've told Srdjan too. Especially with our Valentine's Day get together, I know how comfortable I am with him. I know how easy it would be for me to spill.
But the one I... essentially unloaded onto was Parker. I told him on Steam that my day had just turned horrible, to put it mildly, and that if he could shoot some zombies with me. Left 4 Dead. My reprieve. Pretty pathetic, isn't it? Anyway, he said sure, and asked what was wrong and that I could let it all out to him. So I did.
This is the second time. The first time was when I first found out I failed my Statistics midterm. Both times I was upset, I went to him. The sketch factor is large, I know, but telling him about this stuff makes me feel safe. Like everything's going to be okay, and soon. Sort of the same thing as telling Heitor, only I have to repeat it to Heitor later. And Heitor's got more output. Still, I was grateful he was there.
Then him and Kez and me mauled some Infected. It was orgasmic.
But then my mom came out and tried to have one of those mediating "speak-to-me-tell-me-you're-pain-even-though-I-am-the-problem" conversations. Even then, it was clear she wasn't budging from my dad's point of view. She still didn't understand how I felt in that house. Honest to God, it's like a prison. Seriously, not to be melodramatic, but it's suffocating. I wanted so much to go back to Guelph, and I never wanted to leave home this badly in my life (or at all).
Then she was all like solemn, not understanding why I was reacting the way I was, and so since she was clearly not going to show any empathy I thanked her for this conversation with as much sarcasm as I could muster before resuming my game. They were in this because of me. I felt bad leaving them for ten minutes anyway. Besides, this was my blowing off steam. Let me. Blow off steam. Then she was all like, "Well, there's nothing else we can do." And just sitting there, looking down all dejected and I just wanted to scream, "Then WHY are you still sitting there? You want me to feel like I don't know discipline? Then LET me act like I don't know discipline. It was seriously pissing me off.
That whole night pissed me off.
My patience has already been worn thin, but that night was seriously the last straw. I'll explain it next time. It's freezing in my house, and my fingers feel like they're going to fall off.
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[Monday
February 5th, 2007 at 8:56am] |
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The Tapping of The Keyboard In An Empty Library |
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*Sighs dramatically*
=(
Well, well. Isn't this just a peachy way to start off a brand new semester...? By sitting in the library with sore eyes that probably won't even last me the whole day. Lunch first period is horrible, and there's near nothing that can be done to change my mind. Save perhaps a whole group of pretty boys... then again, maybe even some company could make me feel better. Maybe.
Anyway, there's not much to see in this library except for several librarians as well as two other older boys whose names I don't even know, so I'm probably going to be talking (to I guess, myself o.o) for a very long time seeing that it's only 8:59 (at the moment) and class just started at 8:30 (8:35, really) and classes are 72 minutes long...
... *Sighs dramatically* =.=
I'm sort of getting sick of writing already. Perhaps I should've sent some of my fanfic/stories to myself so that I could work on them at school. Maybe. I was half expecting to work at the school store, and obviously this got me expecting more than I was going to get. In fact, I am only working Wednesday and Friday of this week. Fun, fun.
Okay. Well. I don't really see why people are so in love with livejournal. It's like any other blog. Except, for me, a little less shiny. In fact, it's very... puppy-ish. How... cute? ;_; But my sister was the one who did it for me, so I like it :3
I don't usually go on livejournal. I don't usually go on any blogs or most sites, even though I am registed. Like Xanga, asianavenue (Well, I'd still be on that, if they hadn't massacred it so)... you know, stuff. The only thing I keep up with really is Facebook, and that's not saying a lot. Plus the only real reason I go on Facebook is because whenever someone DOES something, I get an e-mail saying they did such. Then it just got addicting. Feh.
.................... I don't want to write anymoreeeeeeeee but I have nothing better to doooooo ;___; this is very depressing.
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[Wednesday
October 26th, 2005 at 12:39pm] |
....Mm mm, computers.
Yeah. Sorry, but I couldn't care less about the History of computers. All I need to know is that it's in front of me, and it's functioning and a reasonably fast past because I am terribly impatient. But noo, in this stupid info processing course that I'm taking, a course my father wouldn't let me drop out of because he's keen on making me FAIL, we just had a page front and back on... hmm. Well, what do you know, the HISTORY OF COMPUTERS.
Oh, look, Robert's here. Hi Rob. Hrhrhrhr.
Yeah, I understand that you're probably just like "....>.>... stupid fangirls.." but that's okay. I have written absolutely nothing fangirly so far.
...So, let's start.
... Yeah, let's not. ;_;
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| I hate information processing with a passion. |
[Tuesday
October 11th, 2005 at 1:26pm] |
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Heh. You know, I never really was interested in keeping blogs. But, since I have nothing better to do with these seventy-some minutes of my time, I guess it can't really hurt to post something once in a blue moon.
I suppose you can say I'm digressing, seeing to the fact that I'm supposed to be doing some information processing work. But you see, I have nothing to do, really. We're not even processing information. Which completely ruins the purpose of this entire course, does it not? I'm supposed to be writing some wacky essay on the Univac. I chose the subject off a piece of paper, and I did my essay on it. It's pretty self-explanatory, don't you agree?
But, you see. I'm a complete idiot and did it at home, and had completely forgotten to send it to myself so that I could receive it at school and call myself done. Now I'm trying to be progressive but the knowledge of how I already have it done at home is bugging me and preventing me from doing anything more.
....Then again, it might just be my laziness. ^_^
Not that I usually have anything interesting and worthwhile to do in this class. Far from, really. Right now my male computers teacher is sitting on a desk, crossing his legs like a girl and rubbing his fingers.
Well, isn't my analysis just peachy.
Yeah... okay, I really don't get the point to these things. I'm pretty sure you can tell that by now. Considering you're reading all this blather, if "you" even qualify as a person. If anyone even reads this in general. If you are reading, I thank you, and yet I question your sanity. =_=;
Heh. Heh. Heh. I r crazy teenager good. And now, I'm getting tired of writing. Grrr...... all this stupid stuff. Stupid stupid stupid.
....Why am I still here? *Signs off*
< /random>
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[Tuesday
March 29th, 2005 at 4:22pm] |
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This is new. I actually have an lj account. I had asianavenue and xanga before, but this is somewhat different. I used to see my sister on livejournal all the time.. but ever since what happened last night, I decided to join >=D
Why? because some stupid girl had decided to take credit for my sister's [mirroredsakura] artwork. i got mad, so i made an account hoping to use pictures i had taken when she was drawing them to prove that the one who drew the picture of mana was stephanie. of course, steph didn't like the pictures XD so i decided not to post it up after all.
.... =\
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kon3ko's journal